Just read the comments for my post on connectedness/self-walls, and they have been very relevent for me right now . I think I might be taking a bit of a turn in my progress, having reached the greatest point of overwhelming optimism on humanity I now need to start to find the balance of “where to draw the line”. I’ve seen how to give but need to not give too much.
As with most lessons, I will be learning this one through experience; this one will be difficult but yet important. Recently I’ve been reaching out more than I ‘should’ to strangers who are perhaps (but not necessarily) just sex-crazed druggies and paranoid-vampires; this may indeed be stupid (or not) but it seems I have to evolve my moral system not just decide it from a distance. I keep touching fire until it burns me, I learn more deeply from the pain not the reasoning.
I’ve just pulled myself out of, not so much a nightmare, as a Seriously-fucked-up dream. For those who have read Gaiman literature – it was EXACTLY like this (with overtones of ‘JAAAAM’). In fact I was living out a new book he’s written…mostly about the ‘fucked-up-ness’ of people and the general darkness and wrong of humanity.
Even in the dream was a comment of Gaiman on the other ‘helpful’ books I’ve been reading. “these books are great, but they miss out on the darkness of humanity”
I can face this now because I have encountered the light which is underneath all the shit. I need to /engage/ in this now because I want to stop being afraid. If I do it right then I won’t actually get hurt; this itself is part of the learning.
Everything in the I-ching tells me to ‘be small and flexible’ and ‘don’t impose your direction on things’. I need to bite my tongue and wait a bit.. there are many small apparently disconnected pieces which may come together right if I leave them alone.
In other strange twists, I have to say I’m beginning to agree with stormrider, or perhaps acknowledge he is 70% right. The other 30% is too important to miss though. To a large extent we -are- robots-of-our-genes, and yet at any time we can chose to stop and start rebuilding and finding more. There is certainly more to be found but the thing is each person has to look for it in their own way; I can not /explain/ to you what your spirtuality should be and how it goes together. The hardest point is that to take control is to take responsibility for our lives – and not everyone wants to do that.
I am developing an urge to draw lots of faeries. Perhaps some kind of contrast?
As with always, this journal marks my steps in development…fully expect more twists and contradictions 🙂 As a general comment, I am perhaps learning how to live the paradoxes..to be both fundamentally optimistic and cynical about people at the same time.
The important point is that I’m listening to, or at least learning to trust in the ‘inner voice’/intuition/advice-of-self. This generally works out for the best in the end, though it’s taken me through lessons as well as straight to joy.
Sorry I’ve not commented back, I need to get up and get a train very soon…this post was just to mark a point and extract from head.