I feel rebooted.
The last four days, away from work, travelling about, has been full of people, adventures, magic and stories. I have taken in so much, it will take a while for it to mull around and come back out again as ponderings.
Somewhere inside, Things make sense that didn’t make sense before. I have tied up some loose ends and found many new threads for more journeying. Including but not limited to; properties of water, aikido, balancing, movement. christianity ane meshing with other things. A huge dose of information on history of art – I found a shop in glastonbury full of pre-raphelite and victorian romantic art (it made me think of Amy ). The ownerness is packing up the shop and moving to Cyprus, hopefully to start teaching as well. She downloaded reams of information and inspiration into my little head. Suddenly, dawning awarness – just because i did science all the way through school, there is no reason whatsover I can’t learn about history or art! Obvious, perhaps, but also liberating.
I keep coming back to the notion/concept of ‘energy’, which has encompassed and expanded from the desire to find energy-as-a-mystical-scientific ‘thing’ to more of a natural way of thinking about how stuff works and moves and interacts.
Days of life, and experience, and people. Talking and listening and watching and learning and loving. Reconnecting with friends, giving and taking and enjoying and relaxing and shaking about.
I have grown up a little more, or perhaps, grown closer a little more. I can see where and what I need to do and go, the biggest block is apathy and fear, as always, but also I can’t just sit back and make things happen. The value of experience is paramount to learning.
I can not right now express or describe to you everything. Memories are off glinting sunlight on a river, the taste of ginger cake and listening to the story of my buddhist friend trying to find his way. Standing on top of the tor, as the wind blew crazy vortices on the grass; wind so strong you could lean on it…the feeling of flight and exuberance and being alive. (Like the rooks and crows that cawed and played beneath you). Darkness fading and then encroaching again. Exertion and rest. Watching Malaika dance while wearing an 1930’s bowler hat (which she makes look -good-). Making biscuits with Rachel in a sunlit kitchen. Candle lit passion and being held to the sound of beating stormy rain. Laughter. Lying on cushions and sheepskin in a ‘goddess temple’ and feeling peaceful. Just..so much…
I suspect that, we can use our minds and intellects to create walls, to build castles we can feel safe in. Or we can use the same for removing obstructions. I don’t think that I need to build new answers any more, which includes, building a new ‘self’ that’s better than the old one. All I need to do, is remove what is in the way and see what is actually -there-. To look for common sense not complex theory. We all have ‘voices’ in our heads; mad and sane a like, of friends, driving instructors, parents, education. Somewhere in here, I have found the little voice that is ‘mine’. This is the voice I want to encourage and one day to be able to express, be it in words or art or action.
If I am serious about this, it will take more than words.
I have also realised that scientific-rationalism really IS but one tool on the swiss-army knife of human ability.
So there 😉