The wolf makes an apperance in the oddest of places. I wandered aimlessly off for lunch and found a new place to curl up in, nearby a Starbucks stand that does reasonable enough decaff. On the table were strewn a few copies of a book, the cover of which showed a screaming man, flesh half gone from his face. It is entitled “Wild Animus”
And on the back it says:
“I watch my hooves swish through the tussocks, marveling at the miracle of four legs. This body knows this land, these mountains at the edge of the world, and this heart yearns for the unseen, opening ahead with every thrust. I feel myself more and more a ram.
To be a leaper. To live life on my toes, letting what greats me sharpen my eye an instant before…A saddle rises at the valley’s head. Beyond that, peaks are dimly visible behind a veil of cloud. The doubts chatter louder – squirrels calling from swell to swell. Where are you headed so fast? Don’t you have a clue? This mounting dread, what does it mean? I wish I knew”
I lay on a sofa and read the prologue and the first few chapters..oh, it’s been too long since I engrossed myself in fiction, and I can always tell because when I do it is as if my soul reaches out to feed hungrily on the descriptions, vivid imagery rises in my mind as I scan the words, so intensely I can taste and see and smell it all – each sentence is a morsel, barely enough to ingest, just sufficient to stir some greater appetite.
Where does this appetite come from, this yearning? The desire to run into and through all this… I look at the computer, the words I type, the rush through daily ritual, the excitement and wonder but yet there is something missing, something I have forgotten..
right *now* I can feel my heart beating, the sensations of breath, warmth,life…why can’t I be satisfied with the computers and jobs and incomes and careers and pensions, what *is* it that drives me and pulls me always away into some other place,space,mind-view. To run down wild paths.. this feeling,now,overwhelms me and I don’t know what to do with it : so alive, so raw, the joys and pains all come together and all I can do is try and get them out in typed words, put them away, back in the box, close the door, question later.
(back to work..)
What feeds me? creativity, magic, love. that and the Wilds, which I’ve been away from too long..and I say that last one too much… 😉