“God’s Debris” by scott adams – thought experiment

I’ve only just noticed this God’s Debris an ebook by Scott Adams (guy who writes Dilbert)

Haven’t read it yet but could be interesting

“Synopsis

Imagine that you meet a very old man who—you eventually realize—knows literally everything. Imagine that he explains for you the great mysteries of life—quantum physics, evolution, God, gravity, light, psychic phenomenon, and probability—in a way so simple, so novel, and so compelling that it all fits together and makes perfect sense. What does it feel like to suddenly understand everything? God’s Debris isn’t the final answer to the Big Questions. But it might be the most compelling vision of reality you will ever read. The thought experiment is this: Try to figure out what’s wrong with the old man’s explanation of reality. Share the book with your smart friends then discuss it later while enjoying a beverage. ”

sounds like a plan..anyone game?

Money Trap

How do you think about money? Do you have enough? Does it influence how you relate to or consider people? Yourself?

When I’m thinking from a still place, I see money as a form of energy (I was going to say solid but that hardly applies in an age of credit cards), something to be accumulated and then used as the individual sees fit. Granted a big chunk goes into survival costs but a good proportion of people in developed countries have a surplus. I like putting mine into really good food, travel, study, experiences with friends. I decided a while ago that I didn’t want to aim for lots of money per se – and my life choices reflect this; I live in a rural area where jobs are scarce and pay less than the cities, I’ve sunk a lot into a massage course in the hope it will open up life paths than run closer to my heart than a typical graduate job

Even so living the reality of this is not that easy, lack of money (perceived and/or real) has grown into a big demon lately, twisting all sorts of perceptions and filling me with a general jealous bile at those I see who have more money, higher paid jobs (somehow there is a link in my mind between salary and personal worth). I feel neurotic despair at my bank balance hovering apparently forever at the bottom of a deep hole, invisible credit card balances precariously running down their 0% interest period. It creeps into my personal relationships, love turning to scorn turning to hate that someone is relying on MY MONEY for their present survival. Eventually even going to the shop to buy food (something I enjoy) just becomes another bitter hand over of precious cash. At this point I admitt – I have lost the plot! How EASY it was to slip into this state.

I *do* have enough money, what I don’t like is taking responsibility for where it goes. I don’t take control and it ends up controlling me. Like many other of my life resources (including space and time) I’ve got a lot to learn about handling it.
I *do* have enough money, but I’ve been coasting on it month by month, wheras what I really want to do is work on paying of the debts (ignoring student loan – that just makes me laugh), and not worry if it takes a year.

I sense what is going on here is a slowly increasing awareness of the world around me and how I fit into it, and a need to take personal responsibility. I keep thinking the world owes me a living – it doesn’t. Finally I admitt that the choices I believe in for myself are NOT the ones parents or indeed society in general will support – this will always make it a little harder to live out.

Someone said to me recently, someone older and bit wiser ” don’t follow where the money is – that doesn’t work, I’ve tried. Follow where your heart is and the money will follow”. It might sound naive but I agree with those words. Also support is needed and comes in many forms, not just financial

“The wild and the innocent”

It is easy to forget how much, and how deeply, I need time outdoors. Being under the trees, hearing the waves, watching the stars; this is fuel and remedy for me more than anything else. If I leave it too long without returning there, if I spend too much time surrounded by the noise and emotions of other human lives and lifestyles, a pressure of sorts builds up and overwhelms me.

It hit me today when I left work at lunchtime for a walk. Though not overcast, the sky was filled with grey clouds, the winter trees bare sillohuettes against the horizon. What got into my core was the wind – not overly strong nor cold and biting, but vital, chaotic gusts. I exclaimed to the world at large “I want to be by the sea right now!” – in my minds eye I stood on the shoreline, memories of sea-spray and white crashes. I was too far from the sea but today I found another smudge of wild-land; between industrial estate and railway track, an avenue of pine, yew, new shoots of life reaching up through the needles… here and there the residue of makeshift shelters from people ‘sleeping rough’.

I sat with my back against a dark pine and listened to the wind, watched rabbits, heard birds. The world shifts into focus and from within me comes what I can only described as a yearning for the wild, a desire, to throw it all off and simply run. Not run away or to anything – just to run, in a way my feeble human body can’t ever allow. It almost brings me to tears!

It took a lot of effort to put it all back in the cage and return indoors to these computers. I must get out soon.

Struggling to express myself, I put into google two words “wild” and “yearn” and hit “I’m feeling lucky”. To my joy I discovered the most wonderful article about wolves. I must hear them howling again..

I’m actually going to paste the article here so I don’t loose it. The part in bold is particularly ressonant right now!

The wild and the innocent by Jonathan Glancey

Joy and Cowardice

December was a month full of activity, friends, and fire; summed up at the solstice which found me hauling wood from the forest with Jess and Duncan, drinking mulled cider and playing with fire poi. Visitors, gluttony, dancing in the crowd of a Levellers concert.. even Christmas with the family was good. I gave my Grandmother a poetry book and my mother a massage; both these events are opening up whole new ways of relation. New years was spent in Exeter frantically cooking Japanese food with Josie, lots of wine drinking, and general amusement.

At the same time, a darkness has been snapping at my heels, an undercurrent of doubts and fears and apathy crowding in with regards to my life and where it’s going. With the start of the new year, and end of the winter celebrations and general social frenzy they have caught up with me. Add to this a general sense of bleakness and awareness of the horrible things that happen in life, and it’s enough to poison anything. What’s happened? In a vaguely Persephone-esq way in the last few days (weeks?) I’ve ventured into all this darkness to try and find some answers.

Two things:
“Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life.” – Proverbs 4.23
“It is the coward who abandons himself or herself first. And from the place of cowardice, all other betrayals come easy” – paraphrase of a quote I wrote on my wall back at my parents house.

also
“When the Fool comes up in this position, lack of trust in your authentic, original nature causes you to resist spontaneity and freedom. Without trust in your essential nature, you can’t afford to move in any direction, take any steps, make any decisions. Without trust, you are riddled with fears and insecurities.” Amen to that.

THIS is what is stopping me. The inner demons are noisey but petty – engaging in their games just takes me round in circles, plus I start to realise they will ALWAYS be replaced with new ones. Looking to destroy the toxins is a false venture, paying attention to them just makes them bigger. Instead, what I seek is the light and determination to grow to the point that they don’t matter. I’ve lost lack of trust in my own nature, abilities and worth;and here lies the answer. The cowardice comes in because I’m afraid to BE myself to that level, what might happen and where it will take me.

hmm! Back to the wolf I think – for she is my heart, my vitality, endurance, life. Guard your heart.