Circles inside circles…

I can remember looking out the window while at IBM and seeing a stupid number of crows, which was coincidently at around the same time that I found out that crow/raven is a symbol for change. It was also the time I was planning a lot of direction changes in my life.

A couple of years *earlier* I had one of those dreams that for one reason or another feels like it has some meaning to it, or at least a big impact on your mind. I’ve not had many of those; one many years ago that was a very realistic dream in which I was a wolf.

Nothing exciting happened in it; I just sort of poddled about the place not thinking very much…but I can remember bursting into tears when my mother woke me up for school the next morning. Another dream that was just..warped.. was where the world ended. I won’t go into any more detail, but suffice to say I dreamt that I stopped existing. Not that I -died-, I just -stopped existing-.

A very. very. strange feeling. It took me a couple of days after waking up to shake it.

The dream in discussion though was very vivid and was focused round either a crow, or a raven. The raven(for sake of arguement, because it was pretty huge) ended up bonding with me, or something, and as it sat on my shoulder I was filled with a sense of power and indestructiveness(is that a word?). There was something unshakeably bad about it though, although I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time. There was a wolf which was also somehow ‘mine’ and she was petrified of the thing. I’m not quite sure what it all meant. But, I had quite a fixation with corvids afterwards which is interesting because they didn’t interest me in the slightest before. Certainly not enough to produce that sort of dream.

Well, the interest faded, other than a brief spike whilst working over summer. That, and the livejournal icon I sometimes use. And now, I’m sitting here finding animal behaviour papers which have been recommended as useful for my third year project, and encountering ravens all over again.

I can’t help but shake this feeling that something in my life is going round in some weird intangible loop.

3 thoughts on “Circles inside circles…”

  1. Folfish dictionary time.

    I think the word that you’re looking for is indestructibility, but I might be wrong.

    I also think I told you all my weird dreams, including the one with IBM and the abandond multi story car park and the big giant monsters, right?

  2. Very interesting… the dreams and the imagery are very familiar although I’ve not had anything of that nature myself for quite a long time.

    It’s a little off topic, but a couple of questions – first off, are you still drawing? I remember a while back you were after people’s character descriptions (including mine, slight vested interest I admit) and stuff and I was wondering if anything came of that. Second, I said I’d try and get in touch with you on Gothwolf’s part – apparently he’s been emailing you and not getting any response. Dunno if it might be something to do with recent uni network screwiness, but I thought it might be handy for you to know anyhow 🙂

    Hope to see you soon, with a bit of luck I’ll be visiting a whole bunch of people over the next few months.

    1. well, drawing is in progress, just getting a grip on some techniques but then I’ll be trying to get some pics done. I’m a bit of a perfectionist with my art which is a shame coz it’s never as good as I like! I’ve still got the descriptions I asked for somewhere though…

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