I was sharing excitement at my Man’s unfolding.. Right now many things are in the balance but he chooses to grow and be stronger not run and hide..
‘Wanted to share this with you. Jeff is moving from being reactive and small to embracing his mastery and direction…..Anyway am proud of him…. for seeing him fight even if it doesn’t go anywhere.
Really loving seeing the masculine in the world, in him, in you, and in mike all in different ways. And learning how to embrace my feminine side in a deeper richer way’
Rama – “Yes! Part of being male is embodying the sword, in all it’s manifestations, whether through decisive vision or clear cut decision making. He will make the space for you to be truly female.
Days of fighting, and nights of love :)”
Then followed this awesome email, which prompted a response. I am proud of us, him and I are almost the same age exactly and I’m glad to be dancing on the planet together. We’ve known each other for 10 years now!
The Man (Rama-Mark) speaks :
“In short, a lot of the writings on the male come to the conclusion there is no singular manifestation of the male, there are only authentic, full expressions of the divine forces within. These forces are like suns – and as men, we stay within their warmth, but never moving to close lest we burn up in passion / desire / work or whatever. These suns have two shadow sides – an active, and a passive shadow. And these suns are created by the transformation of boy energies into man ones, usually by a catastrophic event or pain so unbearable it forces the mind to re-organise into higher structures to deal with it. And sure enough, the active and passive shadows from boyhood manifest in a slightly different way in men, but they are fundamentally the same thing. The goal as men is to live in the warmth of all these energies, and the sum total of them produces the king. I see a similar thing happening in you, and wonder if the feminine is initiated in a similar way, despite what we think about blood / menstruation. Perhaps there are many initiations, like there are for men, to move us into the psychological (and physical, if you think of mind body connection) space where our divine will/soul/whatever can act. Without divine will, we have no vision. Without initiation, no ability to see that vision. And without the balance of king, no way to implement it once know.”
Woman’s (my) response –
Wow this is amazing! I sat with a coffee (in my mother’s irish coffee cup) and read it slowly and took it in.
Jeff was going on about loving seeing me in the active and steady place I am right now — I cautioned him that I am at the active part of my cycle, and to love me fully is to embrace the whole circle dance.
I spoke a bit of the circle that women move in, how each month I go through life-death-rebirth, maiden-mother-crone, echoes of the larger circles of a woman’s life, and of nature. Femininity is circular. Is cycles within cycles and wheels within wheels. Lunar shifts and tides. I’m learning to flow and ride with it and communicate-integrate with all my aspects, the queen who embraces all with love and yet directs and nurtures, chooses through the mastery-will not so much a clear direction but an emotional choice. There are times when I feel all the currents at once, and I could choose to flow in the reality of fear and terror, or I could choose the reality of growth and fire. I see the power of choice among many rather than definintion/seeking for one/higher truth reality. They are all valid emotions-feelings-beings, they are all children of the body and of life.
In the centre of me is not a sun but a void and a spider. The fertile darkness and the weaver-creatrix. Drawing threads together and making something beautiful and deadly and life sustaining in one.
I read Joseph Campbell and the development of mythos many years back now. He spoke of the goddess religions that stuck people within circles and cycles, honouring the land and aligning with it — the stuff that certain hippies and feminists hark to and elevate. But we do not want the pendulum to swing back to that. The response of patriachy and male ascendence was in reaction to an overly female system. The circle traps and limits, there is little room for the creative drive and fight-strive of human individuation that came with the male creative force, the arrow or the sword of linear progress
What I seek is the combination of male and female. The circle plus the line combined together creates a spiral. Even better shapes form when the circle can expand and contract in pulsing life, and the line is not straight but allowed to peak and trough. The spiralling vortices that come from this are the energy of life itself. The rising birds on thermals, the unfolding ferns, the movements of galaxies.
This is the new way and it starts with our mission from years back, from our early twenties – our heart’s compulsion to feel and heal the hurt between men and women, to find a new way, a new partnership.
Yes I have had my initiations too, big ones and big cycles as well as many small ones each month. It isn’t just about bleeding and menstruating, but that is one of waves a woman can choose to ride on if she wills it. I see it not so much of a climb up a mountain now, or a sequence of stages, but a spiral, and an alchemical process of combustion, dissolution, pressure and release. Solve et coagula.
Already Jeff wonders at how I keep saying that I’ve worked out something I already said I’d worked out. I reassure him not to get frustrated or distrustful by it. It is how my psyche moves, I see different things at different times, I learn something new each stage of the spiral – from above it looks like I’m going in circles, but as long as I feel myself progressing and gaining from each loops round I know this is valid.
Ultimately I am coming only to embrace my own mystery. The portals and essence and pleasure and death inside me only unfolds fractal like into everything and nothing.
A man that can hold a space of will and presence can allow a woman to feel herself, and know herself more deeply too. A bright spark of coherance in the swirling emotions. The void contains the womb, the passage, the gate to life-death.
I still feel in myself the inner union of genders..for now though the dance is whirling the two of us apart into the opposite ends, but I feel our connection in it, like two lovers-dancers on the same ballroom floor, hands released and at the edges of the space, many people in between but with eyes still locked and a slight smile of knowing. I love you and I see you and I am warmed and thrilled by us.
See how your words went into my soul, and inspired such words out!
From he –
“know I have deeply read this, and see how clearly your own being is coming into your own view. The same is happening for me, in this great journey, we still move together in dance step, set in motion from that wintery January.”
I love my tribe, my life, my body and my adventures. Proud of us all, emerging into awesomeness.