Thank you, I feel better now . . .

OK, thanks to everyone who replied to the last rather angsty entries, I appreciate your comments 🙂
I would like to mention that the whole situation isn’t nearly as bad as it sounds – in fact, if you look at the time stamp of those entries you’ll see they were written late at night when everything seems worse than it is anyway. The other thing to remember is that the proximity of exams means I frequently suffer panic-stress attacks, and if I can find something, /anything/ other than the distinct lack of personal revision to stress about, then I will. Zak is generally a good target for such things. 😉

I had a pretty damn fine weekend actually – on saturday Rachel’s parents came to visit and we went down to the Double Locks. Zak went seperately to meet up with Mark, his girlfriend and a few others, who are all part of this pretty decent sounding Live Role play group from around here. (check out pictures and such at the link:)

It’s a lot more flexible than White Wolf stuff (simpler too!) and more into actually going to proper locations, building up a proper costume, custom-making your own weapons (whee! design a sword!) and all kinds of other interesting quirks such as – if you drink a life potion, that means you actually have to HAVE a physical life potion which you really drink.
They also have a big thing for elves, in particular Drow (dark elves) which the group play in big group events. It all sounds good (if silly) fun, I think I’ll check it out. Basically, these are the people who used to run around being elves and having adventures who never quite got round to giving it up..

Anyway, spent some time with that lot, went back to Mark’s house and admired all his weapons *grin* and then went and sat by a river with Zak and talked through a few things, namely – I may still care a lot about you, but I can’t be your ‘girlfriend’ again for a fairly long time, (maybe) never.

ALSO – THE SWIMMING POOL IS OPEN!!! wheeee!!! it’s nice and it’s outdoors and it’s right next to where I’m staying – and I get to use it for FREE!! *grin* So, I’m getting on with some work now, and Rachel and I are going for a swim before lunch!


I wonder, can you ever love more than once?

Or is it once you’ve lost the naive belief that love, no matter how true, is by no means eternal, then you can never love in the same way again.

Hell, its going to take a long time until I feel open enough to let myself get so close to anyone again.

*sigh* and yet.. I miss being in love.

(Don’t you just hate crappy biological based emotions. It’s not like I even want to have kids anyway. ;p )


okay, I get back from Rob’s kitchen to find Zak in my bed, asleep, and not wanting to move. ‘what are you doing here still?’ I ask him.. hum, apparently his room is too messy. (!)

I wish he wouldn’t do this, it’s making things very hard. I don’t love him right now. I DID. I also can’t completely stop caring about him… I just wish he would stop going on about loving me etc etc, it makes trying to be his friend really quite _difficult_

Fuck. Apparently me and him are supposed to be going out for dinner tomorrow with this guy from his work (who actually sounds pretty cool; I do want to meet him) and this blokes girlfriend. Zak has basically implied that /I/ am his girlfriend. I HATE this. (Rant rant moan grrrrr)

Hum. I need to stop letting myself be hugged by him. It’s weird, ‘coz I do that to all my friends(hugging that is).. I guess I forget about the ‘effect’ I seem to have on Zak. *sigh* (MEN! grrr rant rant etc ;p )

Right now I just can’t be arsed with trying to mess about with my feelings again. I can’t hate the guy, I don’t think I could to anyone who seems to care for me in that way. (I tried, yes, it really screwed me up) I’m just letting things carry along the way they are. At least until my exams are over.

I know it’s sorta selfish, but I don’t really know what else to do. I still can’t believe that he actually pulled his act together, leaving me with no excuse to send him back to Reading. Ah, such is life.

*shrug* First I need to figure how to get him out of my bed. A good push should do… 😉

(10 to 1 he ends up sleeping on the floor. Again.)

(woah, that was very angsty and such. At least I can moan quietly if I do so over the net.)


damnit, I’m going to do it. Right now. Get my hair cut short (although still long bits at front, fading into short at back)

I want to see what it’s like. It’s summer and I’m at university. This is the best time. I’m going to do it. (meep!!!!!)

^>_<^ Expect a photo soon..

Things to do with someone you love

1. Go for a walk along the beach at twilight when the sky is pink and the street lights are just turning on.
2. Lie in the long grass on top of a devon hill as the sun sets, looking up at the blue sky and then into each others eyes.
3. Find a place in the forest, far from other people. Somewhere where the light is golden and dapples on the leaves. Make love with the sound of the birds around you and the feel of the breeze on your skin.
4. Simply lie, together, naked on a bed feeling warm and drowsy as the rain falls heavily outside.

(I may well add to this later, please give me more suggestions!)


hardly got any work done so far. But at least I’m not stressing, and I do have some kinda plan. I’m FEELING REALLY CREATIVE, DAMNIT! 🙂

I was messing about with painter and managed to draw this:

Also, I’m thinking about doing things to my hair. I really like my hair being long at the moment, but it occured to me that it’s likely the only time I’ve ever going to get to really screw with my hair is university. I’m vaguely thinking about bleaching it after summer then dying it some kinda bright colour. Then when I get bored, I’ll get it cut reallt short – in fact I’ll try Ash style, with black and white etc. Then I can start all over again.

But I still don’t know… what do people think?

Preparation for Revision, Lemon chicken

okay, final revisions being made to the AI essay. My room is being thoroughly tidied, and I’m going down town in a minute to pick up some food supplies and nice stationary to get myself into the right frame of mind for revision. I can do this. Tonight I’m going to have a really early night, and the work starts tomorrow.

Recipe for tonight – sounds nice – I’m going to try lemon chicken pasta, to use up the two chicken fillets.

  • Little bit of oil in pan (olive)
  • scrunch in some garlic, and add mild onion or a bit of leek
  • cut chicken into small pieces, fry, till white (not too brown)
  • add any mushrooms you have lying around
  • add 1/2 stock in water, bubble for a while. Scrape in rind of a lemon, then add ALL the juice.
  • finally, add 2/3 tbsp of runny honey to off set the lemon

I’ll let you know how it goes. Incidently, chicken cut up, covered in a mix of flour, chinese spice and a bit of pepper, fried in sesame oil is REALLY nice. Especially in ciabatta bread..

Evolution of Intelligence?

Hey! more arguements for people to pick holes in! Please do it, I need to know before it gets read by the lecturer, he’s the most cycnical and easy-to-pick-holes in anything guy I know!

I myself spent some time this afternoon thinking about how intelligence could have possibly evolved, using principles of natural selection, and gene ‘fitness’. The basic premis of this theory is traits which allow you to survive and therefore breed will be favoured, and inherited. I am going to suggest now how our intelligence could have evolved in this way, and what questions it raises for the field of AI.

  • Humans evolution is generally considered to have occurred at a time of unpredictable change. The world as a whole was less stable, weather more erratic, situations more variable. Also, remains of early species have been found mostly in Africa, an open bush savannah, which would have contained a lot of large predators and been a fairly challenging environment in which to live.
  • Therefore, the more knowledge they have about the world around them, the more likely individuals are able to cope (the more ‘adaptive’ they are), and the more likely to breed. By knowledge, I include base instincts which individuals are born with, and facts and information learnt during their life. This does not mean intelligence, it just means learning, and a good memory. Rats, and dogs, and all kinds of animals show this behaviour, but yet we do not think this means they are intelligent in the way we are.
  • If knowledge is a benefit, selection pressures favour having more knowledge. The first species of human, Homo habilis, had a brain 30% larger than the bipedal ape from which it was orginally descended – this could indicate a larger store for knowledge than previous species. What also made humans different is their predisposition to form a complex communication -language- which meant that more knowledge could be obtained, and faster. Going back to chimps and dolphins; we consider them more intelligent than cats or dogs, or maybe gibbons and sharks. One of the major differences is that dolphins and chimps appear to have rudiments of language.
  • However, if individuals have too much knowledge with no way to access the bits they need quick enough, then selection will not favour them. If it takes you too long to recall that the animal over there is dangerous, then you end up dead.
  • So , succesful individuals either need to have a limited amount of knowledge , or a way of managing and sorting the knowledge they do have – which could lead to emergence of intelligence as an adaptive mechanism. Interestingly enough, the more recent human species, Homo sapiens neandertalenis, had a larger brain capacity than the modern human (Homo sapiens sapiens). However, this was with smaller speech centers and forebrain – the brain regions associated with language and intelligent control. Both these species are thought to have existed at the same time, but could it be possible that Neanderthals were evolved in the direction of more(but limited) knowledge capacity with less developed intelligence? Certainly, the tools they used did not change very much over the life time of the species, in comparison to the rapid advances made in technology by early modern humans.

So, intelligence may have occured through evolution. It certainly occurred somehow, and evolution seems a good idea, especially since there is a difference between the brain, mind and behaviour between closely related human species, as well as other species. But what does all this mean for AI? Anything at all?

It could be that complex communication and interaction between individuals is an important factor in being intelligent. If I had been raised in a box completely cut off from other humans, would I have any intelligence? It could be that intelligence is indeed an adaptive mechanism acquired by evolution – in which case it is likely to be very complex, messy, and hard to unravel. In a way, it would be reminiscent of computer legacy systems; it may look like there is a lot of redundant code in these computers, but yet no-one is sure exactly how the core works, and what will happen if seemingly unused bits of code were to be removed. If indeed the ‘code’ for intelligence is in anyway equivalent to this, will we ever be able to unravel it all? Conversely, if we manage to ‘evolve’ code into a mind, or an intelligence, will we understand what we have done?

Strong AI enthusiasts may argue that everything mentioned in my evolutionary theory could concievable be modeled on a computer – data acquistion, storage, memory, operating systems. Yes, it is quite east to express our intelligence in this way. However, there seems to be a big difference between talking about it, and actually managing to build it.
Neural network systems and principles of connectionism point towards systems which can learn, and therfore maybe be built into something similar to our minds. The big problem with these set-ups though, is that once the system has been taught, we do not know anything about what is going on between inputs and outputs. This means that changing the knowledge it contains requires a complete repeat of the learning process.
Problems may look like they are easily converted to computer programs, but this is often because we work on over simplifications. Again, one thing a computer program needs is a detailed description. The only thing we have, and know for certain, is that our mind has intelligence.

Trying to build strong AI without first studying and observing our own intelligence is like trying to build a plane without ever having looked at a bird.