“Brick by brick, a tower falls
from lightning strike: the gaze of God
Stories smash toward distant rocks,
any cries or crashes drowned
by thunder that breaks stone.
The king who ruled near heaven
flails for safety but finds none.
His queen calls on her powers
yet her hands catch only clouds.
Their priest, for all his praying,
plunges with them toward hard ground.
All fall down, a mortal rain
through fired air, and none are saved.
Storm winds whip through ashy smoke;
leaden hail hits shattered thrones
and newly leveled earth.”
– from a Fool’s walk
A day on from handing over my application, Mr Wills is writing back to shortlist me and ask if I can come by monday lunch for an interview. The situation here is, for some reason, he basically wants to give me this job. I can attribute dastardly or compassionate motives to this depending on my state of mind. My guess now is that if the interview goes ok, they will offer me the job and then not bother shortlisting or interviewing anyone else.
I was trying to keep this situation at a distance, but now it overwhelms me with the potential to destroy everything. My fear is off approaching my current employer and trying to sort out a shift to part time work, because I don’t know what they’ll think of that. There’s not enough to keep me occupied in this job but it IS safe and easy. I’m not sure if I could manage 2x part time jobs especially when one is a research position that could be rather challegning. I have my course to do as well. ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHH I don’t know what to do, unlike the other jobs I applied for everything about this one just feels imposed from the outside, and oppurtunity not just presented but shoved down my throat. And it feels like I’ve gone too far now to stop it all – the tower has been hit and things might get messy.
cry. I bring these things upon myself….and the thing is. the thing IS. I feel drawn to walking into the risky situations, the stupid situations, the potential destructive or downright pointless. There is a danger here for transformation, it’s going against a gut feeling for safety, if not almost feeling like it goes against the comfort and against the FLOW and, almost as a bizzare matter of principle, I have to walk into the fire. Push the red button. see what happens. >_< It is like the Tower tarot card imagery - yes it is destructive but there is something strangely compelling about it..