I tracked down some books to help me with the shadow work that I’m starting to engage on (so far I’ve discovered both an animalistic feral sexuality which surprised me as I didn’t I think I was capable of that… and in the same way, intense anger and rage).
One is called “A little book on the human shadow” by Robert Bly. I like it already. On the first page:
“Problems in the Ark
We notice that when sunlight hits the body, the body turns bright, but it throws a shadow, which is dark. The brighter the light, the darker the shadow. Each of us has some part of our personality that is hidden from us. Parents, and teachers in general, urge us to develop the light side of the personality – move into well-lit subjects such as mathematics and geometry – and to become successful. The dark part then becomes starved. What do we do then? We send out a crow.
The dover returns : it found no resting place:
It was in flight all night above the shaken seas;
Beneath dark eaves
The dove shall magnify the tiger’s bed;
Give the dove peace.
The split-tailed swallow leaves the sill at dawn;
At dusk, blue swallows shall return.
On the third day the crow shall fly,
The crow, the crow, the spider-coloured crow,
The crow shall find new mud to walk upon.
The poem refers to the Noah story, though I drew the images from an earlier version composed by the Babylonians, in which three birds took part. The poem came two or three years after college, and it seems to say that if any help was going to arrive to lift me out of my misery, it would come from the dark side of my personality. I remember this as one of the first things I understood clearly for myself. ”
I ended up going to see an open air performance of Macbeth last night, with Jess-fox. It was amazing, especially the moments the rain came thundering down, a couple of times at just the right moments. The witches were created as twisted puppets with long twiggy arms and saggy boobs, two people to each witch, resulting in a strange harmonised speaking. To be honest shakespere, when you’ve not studied the play, can be a bit hard to follow in places, but in other places it reaches out in a rhythmic incantation. Powerful stuff.
In my dreams I’ve been angry, and raged and stood up and spoken out loud for myself. I feel I am edging slowly towards my inner witch but it will be a long and careful process. But I want to explore the darkness – it has a strange pull to it. Which I think comes from knowing that amongst that I will find my truth and power.
You can feel anger in your arms and legs. But it is connected I’ve found to strength in the same places. Allowing it to flow through, to kick, to push, is a liberating experience.