Sexualising God

“Come with me
On a journey under the skin
And we will look together
For the pan within
When to be with you
Is not a sin”

So I’ve been dancing and shaking and vibrating and journeying and dreaming and discovering “joy hands” and “excitement feet”. I’ve sanctified sex and it’s taken me to whole other dimensions of reality. Tantra is not some spiritual icing on the cake of ‘debaucherous’ sex – rather you start with the expansive sense of ‘love coming out’ (rather than love grasping in) and the sexual part becomes this powerhouse of energy to fuel the love until it bursts out like a fountain and you feel your wings.

“Put your face in my window
Breathe a night full of treasures
The wind is delicious
Sweet and wild with the promise of pleasure
The stars are alive
And nights like these
Were born to be
Sanctified by you and me
Lovers, thieves, fools and pretenders
And all we gotta do is surrender”

So I’ve felt so real, hyper real, where everything comes into more intensity, like the focus and saturation of life is turned up. In my body and my heart love and sex, heart and body have forged a new alliance and I find myself grounded and with a sense of surity of my own spiritual-earthly way. I have felt the sheer force of the love that exists around us, and really love isn’t even the right word, or at least my sense of what that word means has quite profoundly shifted. I’ve seen God and Goddess burn out through the eyes of other people with fire and passion and love.

I’ve felt the shadow of our whole culture, dreamt it, pulled it into words, read those words out and feeling my whole body shake with nausea and fear and nerves. I bite a chunk of it, digest it, learn a thousand new fragments of truth, feel compassion. I cry from my heart about the river dolphins being extinct. I can be vulnerable and feel it all, and this in itself gives me a strength.

I’m here, finally permitting myself to be alive, to make decisions based upon that, to dance and feel and laugh and cry. To give myself freedom to love, and to be finding those who allow me to love them fully is just the best thing ever.

Pan within