I never thought I’d be someone who would actually want to go to hear Metal music but I did and now I’m hooked! Talk about connecting to primal energy..
So – I spent an good 10 days recently when a guy Isaac I connected to at Stonehenge Solstice came to stay in Exeter. When I say ‘connected’, I feel some deep energetic link of some kind between us; not something that would work as a relationship but more of a “soul-brother” than “soul-mate”. I like him because he has passion for life, through music, is quite intense as well. I find him a bit exhausting for similar reasons and because he is carrying major emotional baggage and pain.. plus he claims to have fallen in love with me though hopefully that will pass soon..admittedly I did enjoy indulging in romance for a week 😉 I’m happy to give that up though as there seem to be lots of other ways we could develop our bond, and I’d rather explore that.
ANYWAY — his main music passion is Metal music – and so on the last night we hit the underground Cavern club for 4 live metal bands. Somehow we even got John and Rachel to come, which was amazing… I had a lot of fun dressing up in goth/metal clothes, spikey choker, wrist-bands, finger-less lace gloves,eyeliner,boots..must upload some photos. In many ways I find this akin to getting into ritual dress.
The club is fairly small and not really that many people.. and to my short-sighted eyes (decided to leave glasses at home) all I could make out is many many skinny guys with a ‘uniform’ of blue jeans and black T-shirts. The first and last bands were fantastic… I doubt I could sit at home and listen to Metal, or even dance to it in a club without it being live…. what I was connecting to was seeing these guys shouting, screaming, going insane on their guitars, interacting with the people head-banging at the front. At one point we all stuck our fingers up and on a count of 3 screamed a simulataneous “FUCK OFF!!”. Talk about cathartis!
I literally threw myself into the dancing as well; using my whole body and acting out my own sort of ritualistic dance..to primal energy, shadow/darkness, death and other good metal-ly words. And I found it suddenly to be an amazing way to connect to and express the wolf-nature. A kind of shamanistic dance? I eventually left the club looking totally dishevelled, wild hair, not exactly sweaty but definitely covered in perspiration, and feeling very, very feral. It’s been too long since wolf was that close to the surface – perspective shifts, and I can honestly feel a kind of intensity burning behind my eyes.
I told Isaac about the wolf from pretty much the word go because I decided it’s not something I wanted to keep hidden.. he understood and had seen glimpses of her the last week anyway. Some people feel threatened by it but he turns out be one of those enthralled if not enchanted by it; possibly because of his own passion/life. So not only did he give me space for it but actively encouraged the state I was in..by the time we got back to the house I’ve been dog-sitting at it was pretty intense. Poor whippets didn’t really know what hit them. I’d also already discovered that Isaac is a man who will actually fight we me – a few of the ‘relationships’ I’ve been have had wussy men who even I can floor. What I want at times like that is someone who I can completely loose it with..
..and then something really interesting happened – all the energy, ferality, seemed to trigger something in Isaac – as though his “inner animal” was released. I could see it in HIS eyes, movements,actions. (It wasn’t wolf; I think maybe some kind of large cat?) Whatever suddenly this wasn’t just some bloke I could fight with but something larger, scarier and rather intimidating. I fought for a while longer before basically getting defensive and snarling at him to back off, eventually whimpering submissively and then running away (yeh yeh, I know when I’m beaten).
As sudden as it came on, it left him and Isaac was lying on the floor slightly wide eyed going “what the fuck was that? what WAS that?? fuck!” over and over again. If I’d wondered that perhaps he was putting it on before, his reaction now convinced me that something unusual had happened, and certainly he had gone through some kind of ‘mental shift’.
I’m not too sure what to make of all that at the moment. But it WAS interesting. And it makes me want to definitely explore more focused intention animal/shamanic dancing.
gah and now I want to go and run around under trees..