I found this today on a blog. It doesn’t take long to read so thought I’d send it to you.
There are some parts of it I really like, and also a lot that pisses me off. But I thought it would be good to read to start seeing how other people have rethought about marriage etc. This guy does talk about marriage being a transformational event, rebellious and inspiring, about not taking it for granted or seeing it like a consumer product. Being truthful and vulnerable.
But what pisses me off is this sense that he is accepting a sort of limited Artistic Vision, I have the sense he has found a way to create the best you can with a marriage that you are in for life. Accepting the messiness of it. I also keep reacting to his stuff about being a loser and giving up your ego.
To me though it highlights just how well we are doing and how I don’t see marriage as a thing to fix stuff etc — actually for both of us it is a big challenge around even claiming those words. Also how amazing our love is – that is IS romantic, and true, and soulful. Also his words on being a loser and accepting mess REALLY PISS OFF MY ARTIST SIDE. That and the Alchemist!!!
I don’t WANT to accept living in messyness – and just leave it alone like it doesn’t matter. I want to accept it, and then USE it for ART. for transformation into BEAUTY and GOLD. and that is JUST what we have been doing so far and it is REALLY important to me. I love how we want to make Art with each other!
Something that I AM surrendering though — is that sense of my life being entirely about ME and my single thread of artistic vision. (This perhaps is what the author is trying to get at?) Other people either support it or get in the way of it, or become woven into it under my rules. I think that this IS something I want to “sacrifice” on the marriage altar. Because with you, I am changing my life and giving up things in order to also consider your art and vision, and so we can co-create things together…BUT the amazing thing with us is that feeling that you identified — that somehow we actually help each other grow into bigger, fuller creatures and art than we can ever be alone. this isn’t the same as filling gaps. I will not sacrifice my Life’s artistic vision NOR expect you to do the same. But I AM willing to sacrifice the elevation of my own single artistic vision beyond all else – the idea that only I can create the picture that is my life. I WANT to open myself to a bigger vision — to let life itself create through me, to let your art mix with mine – to let you choose the colour of the spheres you paint on me. That really IS key – to claim a life of bigger art, of art that stretches beyond just myself. To see that you can influence me that deeply and yet it is still MY art. To celebrate and welcome our dance, to be able to influence and call to and create with you. To just see what happens when we are fully together, co-creative artist-alchemists.
I’m not sure if this is something you can understand or want it. I perhaps project my own independent suspicions on to you – the feeling that you want to keep separate and aloof from me, to keep your art safe. But actually, I remember and treasure those deep moments of excitement we have had when we create and make things happen together – food or art or something else. When it feels like the world is opening up into a new shape.